Breaking Up with Lack: My New Romance with Abundance
Trading ‘What’s Missing’ for ‘What’s Here’—And Finally Breathing Again.
I am back; it's funny. I have been delicately nursing writer's block for 12+ months, and I suddenly have the urge to write and share. Some of it is due to having a little more structure over my day as I form a routine with my son, but I'm here again, mainly due to a mental shift I had recently. Let me tell you about it.
I have had an epiphany. It wasn't sudden; it has been more like a steady, painful, progressive realisation that has taken shape over the last few weeks. Nonetheless, it has ordered my steps, calmed my thinking, and, as of the last few days specifically, allowed me to experience a peace I haven't felt in a long time.
What if I focus more on the abundance in my life and less on the areas I feel I am lacking in?
It sounds like a given right, a methodology we should all be living by, but for some reason, I tend to spend more time dwelling on the things that are not going the way I would like, the people who are not showing up for me or the goals that are taking a long time to achieve. It's easy to get bogged down in the "lack" and to spend time assessing every element or behaviour, overanalysing situations to the point where we create this sphere of pity around us. It's nauseating and toxic, mainly because it's a breeding ground for us to add to; before we know it, our thoughts revolve around the "negative" situations in our lives, leaving little room for us to appreciate the abundance in our lives, even if it's tiny or seemingly insignificant in comparison to our woes.
I say "our", but I am talking to myself. I have had so many life qualms over the last few months years; I have been mad, sad, hurt and resentful, to name a few, and whilst I believe it's important to honour every situation and emotion I feel (because they are valid and real) I also have done a disservice to God and myself by putting a disproportionate amount of energy and time into experiences and feelings that do not edify the person I'm trying to be and the life I'm trying to create.
Now, I'm a realist; in this economy, it's hard to ignore the lack; you'll wake up, and the lack will greet you before you have a chance to get out of bed. I'm not suggesting we willfully bury our heads in the sand and ignore the real-world problems we are having; I am saying, make space to acknowledge and appreciate the real-world blessings that are happening for you, too. It may not be possible to operate from that place 100% of the time, and nobody suffers from the occasional pity party. Still, if we can begin to make space to appreciate small things that may be happening in our lives or within our minds, it can shift our perspective enough for us to start attracting more abundance. Well, that has been my experience, I'm simply sharing what is happening for me; by focusing more on the abundance in my life and less on the areas I feel I am lacking, I have been living in a renewed internal peace that I have not felt in a long time.
I mentioned in my previous post that I am exhausted in the postpartum trenches. However, what a blessing it is to have been able to take over a year off from work to bond with my baby and journey into motherhood; what a blessing it is to have a job waiting for me and to know that I have been able to keep the lights on in my home and create a warm, safe environment for my son. I put my son to bed in his room every night, and I watch him on the baby monitor with so much pride and gratitude for the space I have created for him. There is a "lack" in the quality of life in this current season, but there is SO much abundance. There is food in my cupboards, toys in his toy box, clothes in his drawers and most importantly there is a lot of love in my home too. Postpartum can feel lonely at times, but fatigue often trumps that, so I don't always (or ever) have the energy to get up and socialise as much as my heart probably needs; my feelings towards the lack of social interaction are real and valid, but if I focus on the abundance, it is telling me that whilst I may not be able to receive it all the time, I have the most incredible and supportive village and I am loved beyond measure. Let me repeat that: I am loved beyond measure. I am supported, I am heard, I am validated, I am adequate and worthy. I am surrounded by love, which far outweighs any missing love.
It is not about turning a negative into a positive; I hate performative positivity; it doesn't work or last. It's about accepting the negative, holding space for it, acknowledging it, feeling it, moving through it sustainably, and simultaneously appreciating positive things happening in our lives. It's giving yourself some grace, cutting yourself slack, and simply loving yourself. This tiny shift in my mentality has lightened my heart. For every situation in my life over the last few months that has felt big, heavy and all-encompassing, there has been a joy and a warmth fighting for space to be seen and felt, and I feel ashamed that I've punished myself so much. Don't be a martyr like me; free yourself. Feel the good that is there amongst the seemingly "bad".
What if I focus more on the abundance in my life and less on the areas I feel lacking? The pursuit continues; some days, this will feel easier than others, but one thing this shift has given me is grounding. I feel grounded. I experienced a triggering situation today that would have plunged me into focus on the lack, and I'm proud to say I could abort that mission swiftly. Honestly, I am still exhausted and overstimulated, but I also feel good. It starts within; you can wait for people, places or circumstances to change, or you can change yourself and choose to respond differently. I have made my decision, but as always, stay tuned here for updates.
Speak soon,
Mik
x
What I’m listening to….
It’s soft, it’s sensual, three artists and songs that have been making me smile. I saw Alex Isley live, and she was phenomenal. She moved me; she is a breathtaking performer. The way she weaves in and out of the melody. Whew.
SASHA KEABLE, I listened to this song so much last year, and I forgot about it until recently, so it’s back in rotation…or repeat.
This week has been slow, reflective and peaceful. These songs have been the perfect soundtrack to the week.
Photos
A week of self-care and self-LOVE.
It was Mother’s Day, and I celebrated myself and really honoured the journey so far.
I pampered myself, mani & pedi.
I made pancakes with my son.
I had lunch with a friend at LOVAGE in Crouch End, she gave me some unforgettable gems and reminders.
x
"It's about accepting the negative, holding space for it, acknowledging it, feeling it, moving through it sustainably, and simultaneously appreciating positive things happening in our lives."
I needed to read this today - thank you!